RSS

Figgy Pudding Threats

14 Dec
Figgy Pudding Threats

Music is a powerful entity, a force to be reckoned with, a vehicle for my mind to wander off unsupervised like a three-year old in a grocery store wildly swinging a wiffle ball bat.  It just so happens that music inspires me in a way that nothing else does.  I love lyrics.  And when I’m driving in my car with the radio on, I tend to come upon some that unleash the three-year old.

Today It was “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”  This song has always sent me off on a mind-wandering journey because I simply cannot fathom the passive-aggressive message it sends.  Let’s take a look-see, shall we?

First of all, I have heard the song start out two ways:  One, with “I wish you a Merry Christmas,” and the other with “WE wish you a Merry Christmas.”  The weird part is both versions end up going into the plural form.  So what I can deduce from that is that whoever was caroling this song, started out as a soloist and somewhere down the line ended up recruiting more members for his choir.  Why would that be necessary?

Stay with me. I have a theory….

The next part is the part about bringing “good tidings we bring to you and your kin.”  So now at this point we definitely have a group wishing us and our dysfunctional families good things.  They are sending out their best wishes to us and relatives.  How sweet.

Or is it?

“Oh bring us some figgy pudding.”  I have always giggled when I hear this part because the first time I heard this line, I DID NOT hear “figgy.”  I heard a cuss word.  Of course, instantly I realized that I heard it wrong but it still makes me chuckle a bit. And the more important question, what the heck is figgy pudding?  I’ve never gone to a party, pointed at something and said, “What is that?” and had the answer come back, “Oh, that Miss Marge’s Famous Figgy Pudding!”  In fact, I’ve never been anywhere that figgy pudding was served.

As disgusting as it sounds to me, figgy pudding DOES exist. It is apparently a white Christmas pudding that has figs in it. Ew.  Why is this choir asking for figgy pudding?  What is so special about figgy pudding that it is the one item they request? And as we will learn in the next verse, that they request in a demanding way.

“We won’t go until we get some.”  Excuse me?  First of all, a soloist shows up at my front door and starts singing, which then somehow signals all of the other figgy pudding fiends in the neighborhood to join in (I see now, why he has employed his friends in this shenanigan: strength in numbers.) and they start off wishing me good things and then basically tell me that they are not leaving until they get what they want?

What we have here is a classic ransom situation.  The figgy pudding fiends are threatening, in a passive aggressive song-singing way, that until I give them their drug of choice, they are going to stand in my yard and continue to serenade me.  The weird part is that they are so jolly as they threaten to stay forever.  They stand there smiling and singing, bobbing their heads this way and that, all the while demanding food that I have never, and will never have in my possession.

WE WON’T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME! WE WON’T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME! WE WON’T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME! SO BRING SOME OUT HERE!

That does it.  I’m calling the cops.  No one threatens me over figgy pudding.

Apparently the cops cannot really do anything about this until actual harm has been done. It’s time to take justice into my own hands.

So I’m ready this year.  I have prepared my own lines to sing back at them when they come figgy pudding hunting.

I want you to leave my yard

I want you to leave my yard

I want you to leave my yard

So go away right now.

I don’t have any figgy pudding.

I don’t have any figgy pudding.

I don’t have the stupid pudding,

So off! Shoo, you go!

I’m giving you twenty seconds,

I’m giving you twenty seconds,

I’m giving you twenty seconds,

Before I punch you.

You can’t say I didn’t warn you,

You can’t say i didn’t warn you,

You can’t say I didn’t warn you

So now it’s too late.

I’m gonna show up at your house,

I’m gonna show up at your house,

I’m gonna show up at your house,

And this is what I’ll sing:

WE wish you a Merry Christmas

WE wish you a Merry Christmas

WE wish you a Merry Christmas

(Just one more verse left.)

You threatened me for figgy pudding,

You threatened me for figgy pudding,

You threatened me for figgy pudding,

I brought some today.

Now shove it in your figgy pudding hole

Now shove it in your figgy pudding hole

Now shove it in your figgy pudding hole

Stay away from me next year.

And with that I will throw steaming figgy pudding at their house and saunter off, knowing that they will not be begging for figgy pudding at my house next year.  As my gift to you, I am allowing you to sing these verses back at your carolers.

For stronger effect, please feel free to substitute “figgy” with something else…I’ve already given you an option.

 

 

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS POST, PLEASE HELP ME OUT! SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG: IT GETS DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR INBOX, DISCREETLY WRAPPED IN BROWN PAPER!  FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER! SHARE MY POSTS ON YOUR WALL!  THANKS!

Advertisements
 
 

Tags: , ,

4 responses to “Figgy Pudding Threats

  1. KickIt

    December 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

    LOL! our jam nite team was just talking about this song the other day, as being the “rudest” christmas carol EVER…. I hear you may be visiting us this weekend? I’ll ask the team if we can present a “special selection” just.for.you. 😉

     
    • Jenn Murphy

      December 14, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      I AM visiting this weekend! I expect figgy pudding!

       
  2. Crystal

    December 14, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    this was one of your best Jenn….I laughed out loud at several points. Thanks for your writing. I always come back for more!

     
  3. Jamie Fink

    December 15, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I love this Jenn!!!

     

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: