I accidentally watched the best worst movie EVER. I saw the description and was just stopped dead in my tracks:
“THE FORBIDDEN DANCE-An Amazon princess goes to Los Angeles and tries to save her rain forest by doing the lambada”.
Well, I would think THAT should be an effective way to solve a growing, world-wide concern.
I was going to take a nap but this…THIS needed my attention. So I watched it. And I started writing a post about it and then realized that I had pretty much summed up my feelings about it on my public page:
“According to the 1990 classic movie, Forbidden Dance, Lambada means grinding one’s nether regions together while fully clad from the closets of the cast of Saved By the Bell in order to save the rainforest and stop the hole in the ozone layer from growing larger. Ironically, the movie’s social consciousness message was lost in the haze of Aqua-net used on the actress’ big hair.”
But I left out several very important ingredients. So here is my complete recipe for The Forbidden Dance:
1/2 cup Dirty Dancing (bad boy who just wants to dance, but unlike Johnny, this bad boy is rich)
2 cups Seemingly lowbrow girl who the bad boy tries to pass off as higher class (Pretty Woman but without the chemistry…or comedy…or script….or talent.)
1/3 cup Rich stereotypical parents who want their son to put away this crazy love of dance and live up to his full potential! (again, Dirty Dancing but this time, a hint of Baby’s family)
1 cup A Witch Doctor (who incidentally looks very similar to Mr. Clean) that paralyzes people by pointing his fingers and making a clucking noise with his tongue and unparalyzes them by blowing dirt on them. Did I mention that he can also emit the sound of a roaring lion from his mouth? Because he can.
1/2 cup Female Pimp at a club where Princess must dance (lambada) or Pimp will call INS
4 cups Princess sacrifices herself for the good of the tribe by dancing the lambada to…save money to save rainforest? Still not quite sure how that worked….
1 pinch Bad 90’s music..and…hair..clothing
3 dashes of ABC After-School Special about newly-topical-in-the-90’s Save the Rainforest crusade
Directions: Mix all ingredients just well enough to have a weak plot, horrible script and talentless cast. Allow to marinate unseen for 21 years. Serve to the bored, lazy and cable-less on a hot summer day.